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Questions and Answers Regarding: Developing Healthy Peer Relations by Dr. Richard Dana Q: My son can't seem to make or keep friends, yet he does well with adults or younger children. Why is this? A: Many children lack the skills required to make or keep friends at their own age level. Adults or younger children are less threatening and don't present the same challenge that peers do. Therefore, some children prefer relationships in which they feel less competitive and allow them to assert more control. Q: How important is it for children to have friends? A: While some children are content even when isolated, most have a burning desire to have friends. Social isolation can diminish self-esteem and lead to childhood depression, poor school performance, and/or other problems. Q: Is it true that children with learning disabilities or attention deficit disorder are more likely to have social problems? A: Yes, these children often struggle with social skills. They frequently misread non-verbal cues, misunderstand humor and playful teasing, get physically too close to others, or misinterpret other children's behavior or intentions. Q: How can children learn social skills? A: parents can encourage children to learn basic skills such as making eye contact when greeting another person or asking guests what they would like to play. However, many children need and benefit from structured social skill development groups or activity therapy groups. These groups may be offered by schools, agencies, private mental health professionals, or speech and language specialists. Most of these groups incorporate play, discussion, role-playing and psychoeducational instruction. Some groups use specialized techniques, such as videotaping, to help children understand how they present themselves and to see how they might be more effective. Groups help children develop a variety of needed "tools" including: how to respond to teasing, how to be assertive, how to initiate friendships, and how to resolve peer conflicts. Q: Do all children benefit? How long does it take? A: Most children benefit from participating in a therapeutic group. For many children, being in a group where they are valued and respected is the first step toward change. For some, it is a place to learn the rules to playground games they have never risked playing. For others, the benefit is in learning to play cooperatively and to let go of the need to control others. A positive group experience can give a child the confidence to participate in other school, neighborhood or community groups. Some children may only need a short term (10 to 12 week) group, while others require a longer therapeutic experience. Q: If I don't think the problem requires professional interventions what kinds of groups are helpful? A: Look for activities that are interactive with student/teacher ratios that will insure some support for your child's need for feedback and social learning. It is best to choose an activity that focuses in on your child's interest and is run by an adult who is willing to discuss your concerns. An artistic child would do better in a group art class than to be forced into a sport he or she has not interest in playing. If your child loves sports, consider sharing your concerns with the coach at the start of the season. Scouting is often a good choice for children due to its built-in structure. |
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